For you, this night, I wear
that doesn't match my skin tone:
dresses or ones that pool, shimmer,
your eyes do in just the right light.
to a terrace cut off by curtains like
where you practiced your love songs
accompanying you as they do the sun.
sing for me while we watch bare branches
nature's sword fights? Or will you forget
and kiss me as the final waltz begins?
We're going to have problems with tenses and details in this poem. This is the first hint and is confirmed less than halfway through with the "gliding" line. Hopefully, our narrator actually knows what she's wearing before the dance... or she's naked.
This definitely needs more context.
Oh, another love poem with eyes shining in some capacity! And there's dancing! No cliches here, thank the gods.
Ending a line with a word such as "like" is generally a sin for poets but tends to be more forgiveable when trying to maintain form.
Is the narrator dancing with a Disney princess?
Yes, all birds just love the sun... owls are huge fans. There is enough vagueness in this poem that an AI could write one just like it.
Why are these people stealing alone time and watching trees while they sing? Why aren't they still dancing, looking into each other's eyes, or even looking at the moon? Having them sneak a moment for a quick serenade is (sappy and cliche) okay, but it doesn't make much sense for the narrator to want that in private instead of something more intimate. My trite lines aren't even workable.
Also, this sounds like it would be terribly chilly on that balcony. At least our singer can gain natural vibrato from all the shivering!
Something kind of interesting is happening here (and in the image of sword fighting). It seems to hint that our couple will not stay together. If I could have sprinkled in the portents, got my tenses correct, and gave this some fresh imagery.... it might be an average poem.
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