I wrote a post on my other blog about resolutions (and why I don't make them). In the post, I talk about choosing a word for the year in lieu of a resolution. There is less pressure with a word... it's more of a guide or reminder.
I had trouble choosing a word this year. Everything feels so chaotic and uncertain, that I can't pinpoint what I need the most. I thought of (and rejected) the word "serenity" because most of the tempest in my life is external and I'm not excellent under duress.
When I almost died last year, it was because I was on overload. I started not feeling well because of holiday stress. My in-laws (truly wonderful people) visited the same month I was hospitalized. My birthday left me feeling sad (because it seemed like some of my loved ones just didn't care about it... or me). I was writing and submitting at an accelerated rate. It was too much.
I often feel my life span will be more abbreviated than the average person's. So, I push myself past what I can handle thus, endangering my health/life. I want to accomplish stuff before I die, damn it!
But, maybe I won't put myself through the crush this year. While I have no real hope of obtaining serenity, perhaps I can reach for balance. I won't submit as often. I won't put myself down because I missed a deadline. I will rest more, play more... relax. I haven't been feeling well (again) since mid-November, but (luckily) haven't run a temperature.
So... balance will be the word I live by this year. We will see if it helps.
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