Signs You're Becoming a Better Poet (Humorous)

I plugged in the phrase “Signs You’re Becoming a Better Poet” into Google Search last night.  I was curious but, oddly, I didn’t find what I was looking for.  So, I thought I’d make a list for poets like me.

1.  Your mother stops “remembering” errands like her Brazilian Wax halfway through your sonnet
2.  Readers cry at your sad poems and laugh (or at least chuckle) at your humorous ones instead of the other way around
3.  Your poetic memorization can go beyond Hallmark cards and limericks that take place in Nantucket
4.  Some of your poetic influences are still alive
5.  You have stopped rhyming “bee” and “tree” (mostly) or using only rhymes like that
6.  Someone paid you for your poem and it wasn’t a “I’ll give you six bucks to light it on fire” payment
7.  You know a Haiku isn’t a shrill pigeon noise
8.  Your use of line breaks does more than make the poem look longer
9.  You know what a metaphor (or four) is for
10.  After fifty odes to your cat, you have found other inspiration (outside of your departed hamster that left a suicide note, written in what looks suspiciously like Mr. Kitty’s scrawl)


11.  Your friends will now attend your readings when they take place in an establishment that doesn’t serve alcohol

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