The Smart Cow and the Farmer

Vampires used to be cool, deadly, focused. Now, unfortunately, most authors think they're like us, only more awesome. (For all intents and purposes, we're addressing dead ones, not living ones.)
Say there is a farmer down the road who makes an astounding discovery, he has a cow that can communicate and is quite intelligent. Wow, what a find! In time, he may come to see this cow as a friend and companion, sharing in its joys and sadness.

The farmer may NOT end up slaughtering this cow for meat. I mean, the cow DOES talk and they get along. Heck, he may even resort to being a vegan after this. But the farmer is human and carries every human emotion and a vampire (most, anyway) can't quite remember everything it is to be human. Where a human feels empathy, vampires have had certain things dry up inside with their silent hearts.
You're all now shaking your heads at me and saying, "OK, what about those who CAN remember?"
All right, you got me there. So they wouldn't necessarily kill the cow for meat and they might decide NOT to kill any more cows. But they would still see them for what they once were, a food object.

So, what about vampire-human romance? If the vampire can feel for the human and remember what it was like (sort of) to be human, surely the vampire can fall in love with the human? Ummmm, no. Vegans don't decide to marry cows or goats or pigs because they are different species. When a human becomes a vampire, death changes them, no author really denies this; it isn't just a simple diet change. Plus, for most of vampires' existence in myth they are nothing but cold killers. I could understand some evolving into an uneasy truce but not doing a complete turn around.

I blame Ms. Rice and her over-sexualized vamps.
*Photo: Daniele Sartori


  1. It depends on how the story is written. After all, in the make-believe world, even Superman fell in love with Lois Lane. Good researchers research the full history of legends and use that to their benefit. Today, many readers seem to hunger for the over-sexualized amazingly handsome vampire who can make love to a human. I see these stories as so many romance stories - so far from the truth they are ridiculous, but in the end, they are just stories.

    1. True, but I still find it endlessly annoying... **Sighs

  2. Well now that's the beauty of fiction, isn't it? That we can twist it around to defy the realm of logic? I myself can accept anything just about if it's executed in the form of a good story. I think with vamps falling for humans it can be believable cuz while the cow analogy makes sense people are a much higher intelligence than cows and vamps, tho undead, are intelligent as well. So the chemistry between 2 intelligent beings can still be present regardless whether one is living or undead.

    1. Well, I have seen some really good novels with living vampires and humans but not a whole lot of good (or unique ones) with undead and human.

      I suppose I am just pining for the old days of vampires being what they were designed for...

      I have read a couple where undead vampires are with other types of supernaturals and, somehow, that I understand.

  3. I think it depends on the perspective of the vampire. Some would only see humans as food while others might identify with them as a different branch of the same species. I like the variety of vampire folklore.